I think tonight we’re going to hear about the Jesus between Huckabee, Giuliani and Palin it’s possible there could be a benediction. Sadly, these people are considered some of the stars of this party. The media seems to be really playing up Palin’s speech tonight as some sort of “do or die” moment for her. I’m not sure how the die part will happen, do they expect her to come out with a shotgun and a fetus t-shirt? Then what would Romney do?
7:05 - They’re trotting out the minority women small-business owners so far and I’ve never seen teleprompter reading quite this obvious before. These women are all proud former Hillary supporters who now have left the democrats. Whoa, I just heard the line, “Frankly, higher taxes scare the biodiesel out of me!” I know it smells like french fries, honey, but you’re not supposed to drink it.
7:09 - I just spotted Bob Dole in the crowd. Hey, why don’t they let him speak? He’s got one of those things….I forgot what you call them. Oh, a sense of humor.
7:21 - Meg Whitman, the former CEO and president of eBay is speaking right now. I know she’s pretty heavily involved in the McCain campaign and from what I recall she was VP candidate it was rumored. I’ll bet she looks pretty good to them right about now. John McCain is probably pining for her on his TV while she speaks now like a dog watches a steak on a grill.
7:24 - OK, this is boring as hell so far, even for a political convention. Let’s read this NYT story on Sarah Palin’s start in Alaska to kill some time.
7:56 - Michael Steele is telling us how leadership is often tested not in good times but in times of uncertainty. What if your shitty leadership helped cause times if uncertainty then when you try and fix your own fuck-ups does it still count as good leadership?
8:01 - Just in case you don’t want to wait until later to hear about it, Sarah Palin’s speech will be praised by all the cable news assholes and the GOP hucksters.
8:06 - According to Mitt Romney granting people in Gitmo legal rights is liberal. What else in the constitution is liberal also, Mitt? I mean, it was written by a bunch of smart elites who wore pantaloons and wigs, surely we shouldn’t have to listen to what those pussies had to say anymore do we?
8:12 - He’s now using Europe as an example of higher taxes and bigger government gone wrong. Not even addressing the simplistic language he’s using, I’m not sure I’d go with Europe as an example of a shittier economy than ours right now. Oh hell, might as well, these people aren’t going to go there anyway. Even if they had the facts it wouldn’t really mean that much to them.
8:16 - Romney has never had a day where he wasn’t proud to be American. The black people who his dad “marched with” can’t be reached for comment.
8:17 - As much as I’ve shit on this whole nominating and primary process we’ve been through in this election that has seemed to last for about 17 years it seems to have given us the two best candidates from each party. What a great thing for our country that Mitt Romney is not going to be in the oval office. That fucking douchebag, male-bimbo pandering piece of shit takes the crown for the most disgusting thing I’ve seen in either convention thus far. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves here, it’s only the first half of Wednesday night.
8:28 - After following Romney and these other idiots they’ve had up here, Huckabee looks pretty good. He’s always been one of their better speakers, I think he’s pretty shallow but he sells himself well. I meant that as a compliment to him, but I don’t think I want it to be anymore.
8:31 - Huckabee talks about Obama bringing back European ideas like he’s bringing back some sort of rare STD. And what ideas did he bring back from there by the way?
8:33 - He just brought up gay marriage and abortion in the same 3 seconds. This is really the first time social issues have been brought up here, which is surprising given that it’s their bread and butter. Without having that bullshit to go to it’s like Rick Springfield not playing “Jessie’s Girl” at the state fair or wherever the hell he plays these days.
8:44 - The crowd just cheered the mention of the Palin’s upcoming grandchild. Do you think Dan Quayle is turning in his political grave? Now Linda Lingle, the governor of Hawaii, is talking about how families have these things happen. Yet, they wouldn’t have to if it weren’t for people like Sarah Palin. But I guess the GOP doesn’t believe in the government doing anything to help people.
8:55 - The governor of Hawaii is still talking and she just bragged about the size of Alaska and how you could fit multiple Delawares inside of it. This is literally how 2nd graders on the playground argue about things. Look for her to tell the crowd how Palin’s dad can beat the shit out of Biden’s dad soon.
9:07 - Giuliani just told the crowd that Obama is Ivy League educated then went to work as a community organizer. He and the crowd then begun bursting out with laughter. That’s some fucked up humor. Jimmy Carter builds houses for poor people too - hahahahahahaha.
9:10 - Giuliani: “Obama’s never had to lead people in a crisis.” He skipped the part when he was supposed to say, “And if you keep my party in office we will guarantee there will be a crisis so often that John McCain will be comfortable with familiar surroundings!”
9:24 - Rudy just made fun of Obama for allegedly saying that Palin’s town wasn’t cosmopolitan enough. First of all, Obama didn’t say that. Second of all, you squirrely motherfucker - you were the mayor of New York City, you can’t really make fun of big city folk.
9:30 - So why exactly is Palin going to hurt the Republican ticket? These people are reacting to her like the audience at Ellen’s talk show. You can’t use things like facts and pointing out lies and hypocrisies to people who have drank the Kool-aid and don’t subscribe to anything other than their version of reality. A lot of republicans have more of a visceral, gut-reaction to Palin than they do McCain.
9:35 - Regardless of anything else we know about Sarah Palin, I don’t think she deserves to be on a national ticket solely based on her kids names. Clearly she hates them so much that she gave them the most ridiculous names I’ve ever heard. Also, people who marry their high school sweethearts don’t get to be on the ticket either. It actually makes me highly doubt your decision-making skills. You know who else married his high school sweetheart? Dick Cheney.
9:42 - Does anyone else have a problem with Mr. Palin just handing off their baby to his little four year old daughter or whatever the hell she is. She has had her for 10 minutes now and is licking her hand and rubbing it on the baby’s head. Shouldn’t someone who weighs over 30 pounds be watching it?
9:56 - I will say Palin is pretty good at hitting Obama. I mean sure, she’s full of shit like everyone tonight, but she does it in this matter of fact way that makes her seem come off as witty in some way. An ignorant way, but still…
10:09 - The 17-year-old due who knocked up Palin’s daughter while listening to a Nickelback album has cut off his mullet. Yeah, they needed to do that because if there’s anything these Republicans hate it’s trashy white people. Yikes.
10:10 - And now McCain’s on stage with the Palins. Seeing them up there together I almost think McCain is now the weak spot on that ticket in the eyes of the Republican base.
My eyes and ears have been through tonight what my colon goes through after eating at Chipotle. And so I’m now off to spend some quality time on the toilet while possibly looking into what it takes to become citizen of Denmark. This local Kansas City blog I’ve been following lately sums it up well: http://stateoftheline.wordpress.com/2008/09/03/701/